There are certain things that just don’t talk to you (unless you are a paranoid schizophrenic, that is). Things such as food. And animals.  I know what you are thinking: there goes K-Rob, off on another non-horse tangent again. But no. The theme for today’s post comes directly from my inbox and is absolutely horse related.

The first item of interest is a press release from JustWorld International with the news of a fundraising event at the recent Bromont Show Jumping circuit. In addition to playing ‘gold’ at a tournament organized by jumper judge ‘Phililip’ Rozon, participants were treated to an ‘eloquent dinner’ in the evening. When I read that, I half expected the story to be accompanied by a photo of diners cocking an ear toward their tagliatelle or holding up a prawn to the person next to them to better hear the articulations of their meals.  While I am aware that onions can sometimes repeat on you,  as far as I know the genetic modifiers have yet to invent talking food. Never one to shy away from a little unsolicited advice, here is my handy hint to the individual who wrote the release: if you don’t know the meaning of a word and you’re too lazy to look it up, it’s not advisable to use the word in a press release.

One of the ways in which I stay abreast of all news of an equine nature around the world is through the use of Google Alerts. My Google Alert for ‘equestrian’ tends to be more useful than the one I have set up for ‘horse’, which sends me almost daily updates on the activities of Seattle rockers ‘Band of Horses’, and frequent ‘dark horse’ stories about political campaigns. But my ‘equestrian’ alert also serves up the odd plate of tripe, such as the alert I got the other day, which was titled “Equestrian club offers ‘pet readings'” (their quotes on ‘pet readings’, not mine). The announcement shared the exciting news that animal communicator Lydia Hiby would be visiting the Canyon Lake (CA) Equestrian Club and would be available to give a pet “reading” (their quote again). And while the focus was clearly on horses, Lydia was also available to share with owners the deepest, darkest secrets of their dogs, cats and other pets by special arrangement.  It was also noted that cat readings would be ‘by photo only’. As totally irrational as animal communicators are (in my book), Lydia clearly has a good sense of self preservation. If you have ever seen someone attempt to handle an unfamiliar feline in a situation that Mr. or Ms. Kitty finds  unsettling, you understand exactly why Lydia prefers to glean her pussy ponderings through a photograph.

The announcement quotes Lydia as having declared herself the ‘”the most sought after and famous animal communicator in the world,” and goes on to include another quote from this clever clairvoyant communicator: “I view my job as a detective searching for the last piece of the puzzle…” I know what the last piece of the puzzle is, Madame animal psychic: you’re bats**t crazy. And before you fans of animal communicators turn bright crimson and start pounding away your indignation in a comment to this blog, please be aware that I count among my friends a certain number of people who have paid for the services of such practitioners. I just don’t happen to agree with their belief that some random person – often at the other end of a long distance phone call – can ‘hear’ your horse complaining that he wants to wear only purple saddle pads.